I want to settle down, but I receive men who are not ready. Please help
Our lives and social relationships face a number of challenges; especially when an important decision has to be made.
On Wednesday November 17, we published, on our Facebook page – Standard Digital – a relationship dilemma of a woman who met a new man, with whom she feels more comfortable, a month after her engagement.
I’m in my thirties and, frankly, I’m looking for a husband.
No more casual relationships for me, I want to settle down!
But somehow, I always end up dating men who don’t want to get married.
What Kenyans think
Kenyans who came across last week’s relationship dilemma on our official Facebook page had the following opinions.
Kevin Muchika: The wall is truly ruthless. Feminism has lied to women by telling them that they are equal to men and can do whatever they want in their prime and expect to have the same advantages as men when they get older. Here is the fact that women age like milk while men age like wine. A 30-year-old man is a retired veteran who is applying for pension and retirement benefits from a White Knight. At this point, they rebaptize themselves by going to church and claiming that Jesus has redeemed their dirty past and is going to give them the perfect man to live happily ever after. Woe to the man who cuffs such a low fruit.
Eddy Oloo Uduny: 30 is actually middle age. The same people who castigate you will tell us tomorrow; that God’s timing is the best. Some of these men will even marry older women overseas on behalf of; Love wins! Don’t argue with me I’m not your age mate
Kithinji Muthomi: You’ve wasted your prime time in casual relationships. You pay the cost. Pray you get a simp [sic] who doesn’t have the guts to approach women in prime time (18-24 year olds).
Gabriel Omondi:Done and dusted, someone looking for a retirement plan, men beware of these “new” characters available.
Abdul Jabar: What criteria do you use to determine that you are “wife material”? ! You had set the bar too high, swallow your pride and settle for any standard. The problem is “you drink milk, why your rare cattle!?”
Shocks of Moses: Early 30s you mean 35 after a casual relationship wanting a childless woman of that age to show many trees were planted and never bore fruit. It’s a risk a man is not ready to take.
Tom Tom Kilu: You are on the right track. This is the stage that every girl should reach. I’m sure you’ll make a good wife. This feeling of “I really want a husband and a serious husband” makes you the best candidate. Not like those 23.24 year old girls who flirt with every guy they meet.
Winnie Otobi: TRY THAT
- NESTING – Figure out the type of man you want, hang out there and someone will spot you.
- GLOW – Stay beautiful even at night maybe your husband is a thief.
- DRESS TO IMPRESS – Put on nice outfits, not too revealing and not too long, a nice gentleman might be attracted to you.
- LOOK NATURAL – Don’t wear too much makeup every time you go out, just a simple
- EAT HEALTHY – Keep your body in shape, on a date, order food (mokimo, ugali, greens, omena, village chicken, etc.) only take junks when it’s the only option , a reasonable man, will be happy to let you know that his children will not be fed only junks.
- RELOCATE – Get a new place where fewer people know about your past
I tried this and it worked, today I’m 50 and got married at 38
Andrew Lokeya: A long time ago we men used to hit and run, nowadays we hit and hit until you run away yourself
Daniel Muhunyo: Men these days after solidifying their frame don’t beg anymore, when ladies insist they don’t want to be bothered…a few sane men quit altogether…let’s carry on with that in mind, being rare is a gem
Dr Karatu Kiemo is a sociologist and senior lecturer at the University of Nairobi.
Finding a partner in marriage is not only a function of individual decisions, but also of factors beyond your control.
So, despite your wish to settle down, there are social forces that must align to provide you with this opportunity.
The key issue is the predominance of females over males in the population, which is responsible for fewer males to match with females, a problem known as marriage compression.
Due to the lack of men to mate with, many women of marriageable age delay marriage and get busy pursuing higher education and a career, while others opt for single parenthood or casual relationships. with older and sometimes married men.
A few years ago, some political and religious commentators suggested that the solution was for men to marry more than one wife, which is unlikely for most women – educated or uneducated – in Kenya today.
Meanwhile, men, spoiled by choice, tend to take relationships casually, leading to low commitments in unmarried and married relationships.
The result is great difficulty in pairing the liberal educated young woman with a carefree young man and results in ease of divorce and separation, refuge in drugs and alcohol, and minimal parental and societal expectations of stable marriages. for the younger generations.
To a large extent, the reason why you are not married is not due to anything you have done or failed to do, but solely due to the mismatch between the number of men and women. This is not a problem unique to Kenya, but it is universal today.
Just watch what’s happening in the western world and make sure it’s happening here. So what can you do? Nothing.
You’re okay. It’s the world that’s wrong.